We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize