guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
