GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
