those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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