I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
