I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
