I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He passed out mid-signature
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
