when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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