I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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