mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You dont lie about slip and slides
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
