dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
