yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
