Please, let me fuck your mom
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'm really busy with my period
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