Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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