Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
