I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
