the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
