i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
