fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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