After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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