using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
