he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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