Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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