Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
