yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
