Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
