If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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