D3 body, D1 cock
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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