I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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