im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
