i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
