if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
