he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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