dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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