i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize