At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize