I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
