we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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