i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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