You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
