we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So vagazzling was a success
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
