i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
