she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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