ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize