it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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