i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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