her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
As shirtless as possible
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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