fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
