We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
