Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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