i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
