So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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