ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
