Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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