Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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