I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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