he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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