omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
