Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
