I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude.. I donβt care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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