The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
