i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
