I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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