the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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