it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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