Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
