Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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