Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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