I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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