there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
